I'm back!

Like a bad dream about missing all of your classes and it's the final, I am back.  I've been busy motherfuckers!  I've been on Pinterest -enough said.

Anyways, I wanted to go ahead and share my latest project.  This is a VERY VERY special project.  I started it before my first child was born, before I was even pregnant, which means this thing has been in the works for over 7 years!!! I think we even moved this project from the city house in all of its pieces and parts.  I hope that you are ready to be impressed with beauty, perfection, intricacy....

 What?  You are underwhelmed?   We had a huge amount of corks for over 7 years with the excuse that it was for the tray.  Let this be a lesson to all of you Pinterest fantasizers, sometimes the cork art is best left at a glass urn that you throw a used cork into.

Yes, when I saw the kit in the catalog, there were no stupid gaps between corks, let alone half inch ones, but as we all know, the promise of crafts is in the seeming perfection, and the disappointment is in the reality that to get it to look perfect you would have to spend a long ass time sanding fucking corks.  I chose gaps. 
I am so glad that we paid to move this and that I had this project hanging over my head for over 7 years.  It's so totally worth it!

Oh, God. What has happened to me?!?!

I have just visited the Honda website for the umpteenth time.  I am fantasizing about the new Odyssey.  I was thinking about what car we will get to replace our '03 CRV.  We were considering a bunch of cars, but when the new Odyssey came out and had 28 mpg highway, I was sold.  Why do I feel shame?

BTW...  I am going to be making some items super duper soon for some friends with brand new babies.  I know, poor them.

ugh shit

Welcome to Mt. Veclothius.  I have met my doom.  One would think that I haven't done laundry in at least a week and a half - well, I did Laundry on fucking Tuesday people.  Tuesday.

Guest Post - OK, Not really

My sister had a party a while back.  She made cheeseballs from a Martha Stewart recipe book.  The photo from the book....

















This is a photo of her cheeseballs.  (Clearly, she is better at making stuff than I am...)

Aren't they beautiful?  Well, after she tasted one she took them away.  She said that they tasted like shit - and that the goat cheese soaked up all of the olive oil.  Such a damn shame too.  They really were beautiful!
I kind of find that with most of Martha's recipes that they look better than they taste.  I guess she is kinda all about keeping up appearances, ala stepford wife.

Well, I might as well post it...

This happened a while ago....  I wasn't really making shit when it happened, but I thought I would share anyways....

Yes, I backed into my husband's car with my car.  (Crunch!) I have to say, it takes talent to do that.  Real talent.  My daughter was in my car when I hit his car.  She was like, "Stop!  Stop!  Did you just hit Daddy's car?"  Ahem, I did.  Yes I did.  shiiiiit.
Do you think that Martha ever did anything so dumb?!?  I mean, I'm sure that she would purposefully ram her husband's car if she had wanted to when they were married, but I can't imagine her just bumping into it on accident. Ooopsie!
Now we have replaced this Accord with a new one, so I don't feel so bad for wrecking ole hubby's car; but still!  (I think I even kinda kept going after the initial bump, because I couldn't believe that I had hit anything...)  Enjoy!  I hope I have made you all feel less bad about any stupid ass shit that you may have done lately, because it's taken me since June to feel not like a complete asshole over this one!  (okay, I still feel pretty asshole-ish, but whatevs!)

SIGH.... Goddammit!

Well - I made a diaper changing kit for a good friend who is having her baby very very soon.  I made the lovely changing pad - Nice and soft with terry cloth.  Nice and big to protect delicate fannies from disgusting changing tables!  The case is designed to carry the changing pad and some diapers and wipes and cream, etc.  Parts of it I liked.  I liked the fabric choices I made.  The main body of the case turned out pretty well. 

The ribbon part was a little, well, let's just say sloppy. 

But what fucking killed me was how I didn't notice how crooked the inside part was until I was completely finished with it.  I even sewed it not one  but TWO FUCKING TIMES - and I didn't notice how it was completely out of whack until after removing it and then resewing it

grrrr,  goddammit!

I suppose this means that I should actually measure the fabric instead of just eyeballing it.  I did use a ruler and a grid though when I cut the fabric.  Ugh.  Whatever.  So annoying.  It looks like a drunk person cut it - and no -  I'm not that "Mad Men" to drink in the afternoon while the kids are napping... 

...And this is why it's called GFY Martha

Why oh why did I spend so much of my twenties leafing through Martha Stewart Living?!  I still look through those pages with longing and admiration...  But I've picked up an unintended critic... that I can't seem to shake.
So - we've been pretty busy lately - good busy, mostly.  We've had family parties to attend in Illinois and Kentucky.  We've been over at friends houses to have dinner and to swim.  Mostly fun fun fun stuff.  We are about to leave on a not totally unexpected but not so fun trip to Wisconsin.  So why is it that my inner Martha won't stop nagging me about the stupid housework while I try to get us set up for another trip?

I hate you inner Martha.  You are the worst kind of bitch.  I know that you care that the towels are all matching and pristine and hanging just so.  Why can't clean and hanging up be enough for you, inner Martha?

I know the carpet is disgusting, but quit bitching at me about it! Hopefully no one will be in the house while we are gone - and if someone is, I doubt they would be the type to judge me for not having vacuumed this week!

Martha, it will all get done sometime!  Sheesh - It's not like we're putting the house on the market the day we get back!

(BTW - you all would be surprised how difficult it is to find pictures of Martha where she isn't smiling...  I would have thought with her reputation that you could have found at least a few pretty quickly!)