It's Soup!

Well, I don't know about you, but every time I walk past the bags of dried beans in the veggie aisle, I get all kinds of homesteader fantasies about it.  I love especially the bags that have a huge assortment of beans and then a packet of seasonings for you to make soup out of.

In years past, I have bought these packets of soup mix and then had to throw them out because of how long they sat in the pantry.  Well, I bought a soup mix recently and it was beautiful.  All different colors and sizes of beans and lentils with a tiny packet of spice.  All I had to add was some Italian sausage...  It sounded easy enough.   I was having some friends over for a playdate and lunch - and I thought this hearty soup would be perfect! Working on my inspired momentum I decided to make this for our lunch.
I pictured that the soup would retain this look and have a clear broth  when made - that you could actually see the wholesomeness and my homesteader resourcefulness in the bowl.

Well, this is what it looks like when prepared according to package directions.

Seriously - I cleaned up some vomit in my car in December and it looked just like that.  The same color, the same ratio of liquid to solid.  I could make some and sell it to Hollywood as a vomit prop!
And guess what?  You get to soak those fucking beans overnight for this loveliness.  and rinse them.  and soak them, and rinse and soak and rinse and soak.  Alright, I am exaggerating, but still this was a jobby soup.
So it turned out looking exactly like vomit.  EXACTLY.  And one of those friends who was coming over for lunch - well, her family has had the stomach flu no less than 3 times in the past 3 weeks...  She was really ready to chow down on my bowl of vomit soup.
Ok.  So it looks terrible and is a lot of work - but what about the taste?  It tastes like eating a can of refried beans that have been sitting in the sun all day - and it actually is a lot of work to chew and more work to swallow.

Soooo.  Bean soup.  At least I'm fucking over it.

I'm back!

Like a bad dream about missing all of your classes and it's the final, I am back.  I've been busy motherfuckers!  I've been on Pinterest -enough said.

Anyways, I wanted to go ahead and share my latest project.  This is a VERY VERY special project.  I started it before my first child was born, before I was even pregnant, which means this thing has been in the works for over 7 years!!! I think we even moved this project from the city house in all of its pieces and parts.  I hope that you are ready to be impressed with beauty, perfection, intricacy....

 What?  You are underwhelmed?   We had a huge amount of corks for over 7 years with the excuse that it was for the tray.  Let this be a lesson to all of you Pinterest fantasizers, sometimes the cork art is best left at a glass urn that you throw a used cork into.

Yes, when I saw the kit in the catalog, there were no stupid gaps between corks, let alone half inch ones, but as we all know, the promise of crafts is in the seeming perfection, and the disappointment is in the reality that to get it to look perfect you would have to spend a long ass time sanding fucking corks.  I chose gaps. 
I am so glad that we paid to move this and that I had this project hanging over my head for over 7 years.  It's so totally worth it!

Oh, God. What has happened to me?!?!

I have just visited the Honda website for the umpteenth time.  I am fantasizing about the new Odyssey.  I was thinking about what car we will get to replace our '03 CRV.  We were considering a bunch of cars, but when the new Odyssey came out and had 28 mpg highway, I was sold.  Why do I feel shame?

BTW...  I am going to be making some items super duper soon for some friends with brand new babies.  I know, poor them.

ugh shit

Welcome to Mt. Veclothius.  I have met my doom.  One would think that I haven't done laundry in at least a week and a half - well, I did Laundry on fucking Tuesday people.  Tuesday.

Guest Post - OK, Not really

My sister had a party a while back.  She made cheeseballs from a Martha Stewart recipe book.  The photo from the book....

















This is a photo of her cheeseballs.  (Clearly, she is better at making stuff than I am...)

Aren't they beautiful?  Well, after she tasted one she took them away.  She said that they tasted like shit - and that the goat cheese soaked up all of the olive oil.  Such a damn shame too.  They really were beautiful!
I kind of find that with most of Martha's recipes that they look better than they taste.  I guess she is kinda all about keeping up appearances, ala stepford wife.

Well, I might as well post it...

This happened a while ago....  I wasn't really making shit when it happened, but I thought I would share anyways....

Yes, I backed into my husband's car with my car.  (Crunch!) I have to say, it takes talent to do that.  Real talent.  My daughter was in my car when I hit his car.  She was like, "Stop!  Stop!  Did you just hit Daddy's car?"  Ahem, I did.  Yes I did.  shiiiiit.
Do you think that Martha ever did anything so dumb?!?  I mean, I'm sure that she would purposefully ram her husband's car if she had wanted to when they were married, but I can't imagine her just bumping into it on accident. Ooopsie!
Now we have replaced this Accord with a new one, so I don't feel so bad for wrecking ole hubby's car; but still!  (I think I even kinda kept going after the initial bump, because I couldn't believe that I had hit anything...)  Enjoy!  I hope I have made you all feel less bad about any stupid ass shit that you may have done lately, because it's taken me since June to feel not like a complete asshole over this one!  (okay, I still feel pretty asshole-ish, but whatevs!)

SIGH.... Goddammit!

Well - I made a diaper changing kit for a good friend who is having her baby very very soon.  I made the lovely changing pad - Nice and soft with terry cloth.  Nice and big to protect delicate fannies from disgusting changing tables!  The case is designed to carry the changing pad and some diapers and wipes and cream, etc.  Parts of it I liked.  I liked the fabric choices I made.  The main body of the case turned out pretty well. 

The ribbon part was a little, well, let's just say sloppy. 

But what fucking killed me was how I didn't notice how crooked the inside part was until I was completely finished with it.  I even sewed it not one  but TWO FUCKING TIMES - and I didn't notice how it was completely out of whack until after removing it and then resewing it

grrrr,  goddammit!

I suppose this means that I should actually measure the fabric instead of just eyeballing it.  I did use a ruler and a grid though when I cut the fabric.  Ugh.  Whatever.  So annoying.  It looks like a drunk person cut it - and no -  I'm not that "Mad Men" to drink in the afternoon while the kids are napping...