Baked Bacon

Well, well.  I tried to bake some bacon - which if you don't know how to do this yet, for the love of all things holy I will tell you - this is something worth knowing.

Take a jelly roll pan - you know, it looks like this.

Source

Is this something worth knowing? - the difference between a jelly roll pan and a cookie sheet?    Sometimes all these fancy names for stuff well, it's just another way for the cogiscienti to make you feel like crap.  Don't let them.  Fuck them.  It's a cookie sheet with sides - which if you tried to bake bacon with a cookie sheet like this...

you'd have your oven smoking like there was a fire - which there might be with all that fucking grease everywhere.  But my job here is to be the dumbass here, never to make you feel like one.   So please don't let me. (BTW, my oven was smoking so bad 2 weeks ago when we had friends for a playdate that I had to open a window.  It really looked like I needed to call the fire department.) So on we go.

So when you bake bacon, it's awesome, because the bacon turns out perfect and you don't have to babysit it and there is no grease splatters all over your cooktop and there is no flabby microwave bacon.  BEST. METHOD.  EVER.

Source: the irony of the fact that this JollyMom.com calls her post
"Oven Baked Bacon:  Perfectly Crisp Every Time" is not lost on me.  

So you basically fill a jelly roll pan with bacon, throw it in the oven at 425 degrees and check on it starting after 10-15 minutes, depending on how ballsy you are and how willing to play chicken with your bacon you are.
Well, I had a great idea that I would bake bacon while making beds and doing a few things on the computer.  Guess what?!  Our fucking hated printer wouldn't work, then our computer had issues and about an hour later my "Perfectly Crisp Every Time" bacon looked like this.  Sigh.  What a waste.

Perfectly Crisp for who?  Lucifer?