Again with the Pinterest

So I am always fantasizing on Pinterest.  Oohhh - I should totally make this...  I could actually sew that project...  Anyways, there was a pin about taking strawberries and drying them in the oven.

 Now - don't those look good?!?  The directions were to bake them in the oven at 210 for three hours after slicing them in half or quarters depending on the size.  Here's a link to the pin.Strawberry Drying Recipe
I should have been suspicious when I saw the difficulty rating was "Easy."    I should have known something was up from the picture.  Do those berries look like they were cut in pieces to you?!?!  

Here are mine.

Can I tell you a few things?  First of all these little mofos look A LOT better in this photo than in person aaand - motherfucking shit = when you dry stuff it just makes it more concentrated.  Sweet Berries = candy like fruit.  Sour Berries = holy mouth puckering, dude.  Plus they were slimy as hell.  Disgusting.  And even more I dried these in the oven for over four hours.  (It was butt ass cold - so it was nice to have a hot oven for that long - and nice to have an excuse to not be able to cook dinner, but still.)


Fucking sour ass berries.  They sucked and the recipe is a bunch of bull shit.  Once again, it's like the sewing mom blogs where they leave out vital parts of the recipe/directions as a way to thwart anyone trying to replicate their success.  GFY MARTHAS!!!

Oh!   I found something that makes me feel so much better!! I did a google search and here you go -     Allison from Polka Dot and Paisley who btw makes stuff and then actually SELLS it also could not get this little project to work!  YAY!   It's not just a problem with me!!  It's a problem with the stupid ass recipe!   She stuck with it for 8 hours to try to dry those damn berries!   8 HOURS!  In the summer!!  With no air!!

Fucking Pinterest.

Pinterest.  What the hell, people?  Fucking pinterest - such a goddamn time suck and if I thought that Martha misled me and made my inner critic even worse.  GFY, Pinterest, GFY...
Honestly at least Pinterest has a pretty good sense of humor, but still.
I saw a recipe on there for a home made cleaning product.  I know that if you have EVER been on pinterest you will be deeply fucking shocked that there are cleaning recipes on there....

Anyhow.  We have kind of hard water here and I really clean the showers about once every two weeks. If you are here to judge, GFY. (The basement shower my husband uses - I've cleaned it two times...  He's been using that shower for at least a year.  He's a boy, he doesn't care and I don't ever use it, so I don't care.)

Anyways, the recipe is for a shower cleaner.  It calls for 1 cup vinegar heated until holy hell and 1 cup blue Dawn dish detergent.

Any veteran of these stupid ass home made cleaning products knows why Mr. Fucking Clean is still in business.  Half the time you use up all your damn vinegar and you either break your damn arm scrubbing or it just doesn't work or both.  If I wanted to use god damn elbow grease, I wouldn't be such a fan of chemistry.

That being said, I do freak out a little every time I clean the bathroom with Lime Away or similar and then everything has a weird chemical flavor for 36 hours.  Chemistry is good, chemistry burning my insides, well, I'm not such a big fan.

I thought I'd give this home made recipe a try.  And it worked!  It really fucking worked. 

Why the hell am I writing about this then?  This is a blog reserved strictly for failures....  Hmmm, can you spot the epic fail here?  Can you predict the two problems that this cheap and effective home made shower cleaner may have?

I am such a moron.  It wasn't until I had the entire shower sprayed down that it occurred to me that fucking Dawn suds and suds and suds and suds and suds and suds and when you think it will finally stop being bubbly, it fucking gives you the bird of suds and can take a fucking month to rinse off.  I thought, well shit, this is going to take a year to get off.  It did.

Next unexpected problem - vinegar inhalation.  Now, don't get me wrong, I would much rather inhale vinegar than phosphoric acid. (Well, wait a fucking minute.  Coke has phosphoric acid in it. Yes, the same shit that burns lime off my shower is also in my drink. Yes, yes, different concentrations, but still, that can't be good for you.  I wish there was a word that expressed someone just shaking their head no with their eyes closed with that feeling of being screwed seven ways til Sunday.  fuck.)

I wonder if there is a difference between inhaling acetic acid (vinegar) and phosphoric acid (lime away) or if my poor lungs look like the insides of rotten pumpkins either way.  Sigh.