Just this...

I know this is silly but...
Just this....

 

What the hell did I sign up for?  Every. single. one. looks. just. like. this....  or worse.

Carpet Cleaning.... My Ass!

Get ready for a fucking rant over here.  Seriously.
The carpets in this house are filthy.  Disgusting.  Full of dog and cat hair.  Totally barf worthy.  Sooo, instead of hiring a carpet cleaning service to come in on the day the house was vacant, I decided that we would just get bids when we moved in.   Then I decided, nah, fuck that, $150 is too much to spend on a carpet cleaner, so I decided to rent a carpet cleaner and do it myself for $50.  Oh, inner Martha Stewart, GFY.

So as I was researching which machine to rent, I came across this gem on you tube.
Click here for a Cleaning Orgasm....
Woah!  Sign me up for the Bissell, post haste!

Yeah, let me show you my reward for spending 50 bucks to rent a 75 pound machine that I had to haul up and down stairs and go over each precious square of greasy carpet at least 4 times.   And pushing and pulling this monster is a total pain in the ass - it's heavy as shit and doesn't turn for shit, so when you complete one row, then you basically wrestle it like a greased pig to get it set up for the next row.   (I'm sure there is an easier way, but come on!)
Now get ready for the before and after...

  This is the before...

This is the after..

 

Yeah.  After all that it doesn't look like I did a god damned thing.  My fucking arms are sore, my legs are sore, I had to move a bunch of fucking furniture, the skin on my hands is peeling off ( which may be unrelated, but I am on a streak here!)I had to haul this fucker from lowes and power lift it like a Russian Olympiad up into the van, COME ON!   I am seriously pissed and now wondering if a service would do a better job.

Here is my booby prize though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Buckets and buckets of filth.  So it may not look cleaner, but at least I know it is.   Also, it may not look better, but it totally smells better.

So after all this, would I ever rent a carpet cleaner again?  Hell no!   Shhh, don't tell my husband, but he was totally right.  I told him my cheapskate plan, and he said that those machines never work very well.  Sigh.  Fucking you tube...

Big Shit over Here

I know I haven't blogged in a fuck of a long time.  Sorry.  We moved.  (Yay!).  To the dirtiest house EVER. (Boo!)
In real life, when I talk about this I go through all the possible easons why this house was filthy.  On this blog, I never present my best self, more like my worst, so with that in mind,  the family that lived here lived like filthy pigs.
Speaking of pigs - I am a sexist pig because the person I blame that the house is dirty is the mom.
Why is it that I blame the mom?   Seriously, so fucking sexist of me, and totally unfair, but I do feel like it's the mom of the house who decides how clean or dirty a house is.  Maybe it's because I assume all boys would live like frat boys if left on their own, which is also fucking sexist.  Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Anyways, I've been running around feeling superior as I clean up the filth.   I do feel a bit like I'm in a Mr.Clean commercial, although it is getting fucking old.

I'm gonna keep you in the loop for all our projects around here.  And how shit really goes down.  Hopefully I'll be able to log more than once every fucking six months.  No promises, but I'll try.