Well, GFY Jillee

Well.  I am going to show you more dirty little secrets about myself.  I noticed how filthy my dishwasher was.  Seriously fucking gross.  I don't know how shit gets so gross and then all of the sudden, it's like Holy Shit, it's like I'm in an episode of hoarders or the British How Clean is your House? 
Okay, clearly I watch possibly THE worst tv ever. 

 Yeah, so the photos don't show how truly gross it is.  There is this weird greasy orangy brown film over the entire inside of the dishwasher.  When I rubbed it with my finger it balled up, like greasy greasy filth.

  So I did what any good American housewife of the beginning of the 21st century does.  I turned to Pinterest.  When I searched for dishwasher cleaner, I got this post by Jillee.  Her blog is One Good Thing by Jillee.  Here is a link to her post...
http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/02/how-to-clean-your-dishwasher.html

Please note - she has no disgusting before pictures.  Here is her one picture of a before.

Um, Jillee, you really think the state of that dishwasher necessitates an exclamation point?  Come on!  It's gleaming white.  She ends up pulling an old melted plastic cup out of the bottom and then cleans it the dishwasher by running it with a cup of vinegar and then again with some baking soda.

I tried this hoping that it would magically make the inside of my dishwasher be approximately white again. 
BTW, let me have a bit of a rant about the time involved in this.  My dishwasher is always either full or well on it's way to being full and sometimes it's full and running with another load waiting in the sink.  I needed to run it empty not once, but two times.  Seriously!   This was trying. 

So here is the results...Please pay close attention to the left hand wall in this pic.  STILL FUCKING GROSS!

BTW, let me make a confession to being OCD at times.  You can see that the lower half of the left wall is pretty darn clean.  Let me share why!  I got caught up in a fit of making my dishwasher totally, perfectly clean and busted out the comet.  I came to my senses about 10 minutes later and thought, GFY Jillee and other pinners.  I need strong drinks if I'm fucking cometing the inside of my dishwasher, which by the way, let me show you the outside....

Yes.  The handle is completely broken off.  When the outside looks like this, I don't know why I give a shit about the inside either.

Run for your Lives!! I'm Sewing Again!

Oh my god.  I haven't sewn since my youngest gave up having 2 naps a day - and this was a few years ago.  He's in school enough that I decided to get going on making some things from my fabric stash.

If you remember a while ago I was making ill advised and completely crooked changing kits that no one wanted?  I enjoyed making them, but they left me with some odd fabric left over - like baby mink and cowboys and all kinds of oddness.
So, I went through the fabric stash with my daughter - she has been asking me to teach her how to sew.  I know, I know, I'm spreading my poor skills.  I will take sewing lessons with her though.  I swear.  I will learn while she does and stop the cycle of horrible crafting...

Anyways - the fabric that she choose was, of course, the most impossible fabric to sew.  It's that baby mink stuff that is super soft, but not only is thick and furry, but also has a knit backing that is silky.  That my friends means we were the trifecta of fucked.

It was her first time sewing anything with a machine besides sewing paper together, so I gave her the long straight seams to do.
Did I pin them for her?  No.  Did we press anything?  No, haven't we talked about my sewing habits before?  Did we even make sure that the seams would match up - yeah, not so much.  Did she add to the damage by insisting that the furry side was worn against her body?  Yes.  Did she also up the ante by insisting that the seams also not touch her body?  Yes - so essentially she wanted to wear them inside out...  and well, my seams aren't known for their straight perfection...

Without further ado, here are our results.

Aw, she looks so happy doesn't she?  Poor thing.  (BTW, her shirt is the same idea she has for the pants, but clearly the sweatshop workers who made the top had no problem with getting everything right...)

 You can tell here that I actually used pinking shears to cut out the fabric!  Wow!  My skills have really improved!  On the down side, you can also see what a sloppy cutter I am.  Shaggy edges, be damned!  I have no fucking patience to recut!!!  I also sewed through the elastic waistband, which makes the runching of the waistband even for most of the way around and then there's a weird flat section...

This photo shows all the loose and crappy edges.  I mean really - my poor kid.  I promise I won't continue to teach her to sew.  I swear.  I also promise to share what I learn while taking lessons with her, because I'm sure it will be pretty funny.  Lastly, I can't help the fact that she wanted to wear these fucking pants.  Seriously.  I tried multiple times to talk her out of ever wearing them, even to bed...  No luck.  I will draw the line if she tries to wear these over to anybody's house or out in public.

Lastly, please check out the seam on the right pant leg.  Wow. 
The good news is that she likes the pants.  The bad news is she likes the pants.

Hey, aren't you glad that I'm sewing again?