Seriously, WTF?

Alright.  Here is what I'm talking about. I was reading a story to my youngest and he choose a Scooby sight words book.  These books are so ridiculously bad...  But I digress.  I almost barfed when I saw the cover...

All I could think is that whoever the cover artist for this little book had a wicked and sick sense of humor.  But then again, maybe I am the only one warped enough to see it.  Maybe I am scarred from when we adopted our cat and she was de-wormed and the vet warned me that I may find a long white worm in her litter and not to panic about it.  (Yes, because if I found a foot long tapeworm while sifting litter, of course I would stay calm.  Right.) (BTW, thank god she didn't pass any worms.  There would have been barf in the litter as well.)

So the bottom line is that when I look at this cover all I see is Fred thinking about how gross that tapeworm is and Scooby wanting to eat it, because you know Scooby, he'll eat anything. 

Fucking Home Made Play Dough. God Damn It.

Let me begin this post with a link to Amazon.

LINK
 

Just so you know, 36 cans of play doh are $24 bucks.  Just sayin.

So I decided yesterday that I would make some play doh with the little guy today. I thought that it would be a good way to keep us busy and not baking cookies.

So the recipe I had called for flour, salt, cream of tartar, oil and water.  This was not surprising. It did say that I would be cooking the stuff, so I thought that was weird.   I mixed the ingredients up and was pissed to find this slop.

Seriously?  Fucking runny ass shit. 

At this point I'm thinking that I will be standing at the stove stirring this crap ass home made doh for fucking ever. 
Luckily that wasn't the case, but this shit was annoying.
First this happened...

 

Which was kind of promising...  And then this started to happen...

And I feared my son would be playing with glorified cottage cheese. 

 

 

Just as an aside, red food coloring is just disturbing.  It looks so much like blood.

Zombie play doh.  It looks so disturbing, like I bled into it or like there is a dead bloody finger in there.  Gross.

Ok.  Back to it...  So miracle of miracles, it finally came together and was really nice and soft. 

I separated it to get it ready for food coloring. 

No, I don't have OCD issues, why do you ask?!?!  Okay, Okay, I have a problem sometimes about being anal rententive about stupid shit.  If you came to my house you would be like, OCD?!  How can her floor be that filthy then?  Well, listen up, my floor may have crumbs and be gross but there is some part of my house on any given day that has been organized according to my OCD fixation of the day.  It may be taking apart the oven door to get to the glass with the streak of brown on it - it may be something else, but I can assure you that there will be something weirdly organized and/or clean.  Today it was the fucking playdoh.  I indulged myself.

And Goddamn it felt good.  My perfect playdoh.  Okay, except for the purple.  God forbid that the food coloring people actually give you a real primary red.  The red that a person needs to be able to mix colors is actually more like fuschia than blood red.  (SEE!  All those years of thinking you were counting drops wrong to get your lavender Easter Eggs and they turned out brown.  It's not you - it's the fucking dyes.)Anyways, I was pretty happy with my colors.  And no, I didn't forget why I was doing this...

And he didn't want to make perfect colors anyway.  Here are his colors.  And his hands.  Holy shit, look at how gross his hands are...

 

 

 

Okay, so this seems like a pretty big win.  And it is, in a way.  Except for this part...

Normally, I really don't give a shit if the playdoh gets all smooshed together and sent out through the extruder together to get all mixed in weird ways.  I really don't.  I kind of like the weird psychedelic designs it can make.  But part of me today cried a little when he took those pretty and perfect little dough balls out of the bags and made one big rainbow pancake.  And then I felt like a big jackass. Sigh.

All my pretty colors ended up being one big lump of greenish blorp.  Did I mention that he said "I'm gonna make BIG fake boobs!" with the afforementioned green blorp?

(I keep trying to wrap it up with something witty here, but I don't think there is any quip I can come up with that is better than that.)