Yeah, It's more Pinterest Crap

So all winter we were waiting for a snow day to bake cookies.  Specifically, cute as hell melting snow man cup cakes.

Well, no fucking snow day.
So we made them on the first day of spring instead.  I guess that was more appropo anyways.
So dumb ass me, of course I don't bother to actually read the recipe before I pin it or promise to make it with the kids...
The cookie dough requires a trip into the fridge FUCKING OVERNIGHT!  Talk about a joykill.  That was a lot of fun..  Yay kids, we can make the dough today and then make the actual cookies tomorrow.

 You would think I would change this habit of not reading a recipe until I actually make the recipe instead of planning ahead, but no.
SOOOOOO, we make the cookie dough and then today we bake the cookies and decorate them.
It was fun.
However, you should know that sometimes I suck so bad at making stuff that I can even screw up other people's stuff.
My poor kids.
The icing was too runny to decorate with and they really looked melting.

Well, this one was the two year old's fault.

Fucking Pinterest.

Pinterest.  What the hell, people?  Fucking pinterest - such a goddamn time suck and if I thought that Martha misled me and made my inner critic even worse.  GFY, Pinterest, GFY...
Honestly at least Pinterest has a pretty good sense of humor, but still.
I saw a recipe on there for a home made cleaning product.  I know that if you have EVER been on pinterest you will be deeply fucking shocked that there are cleaning recipes on there....

Anyhow.  We have kind of hard water here and I really clean the showers about once every two weeks. If you are here to judge, GFY. (The basement shower my husband uses - I've cleaned it two times...  He's been using that shower for at least a year.  He's a boy, he doesn't care and I don't ever use it, so I don't care.)

Anyways, the recipe is for a shower cleaner.  It calls for 1 cup vinegar heated until holy hell and 1 cup blue Dawn dish detergent.

Any veteran of these stupid ass home made cleaning products knows why Mr. Fucking Clean is still in business.  Half the time you use up all your damn vinegar and you either break your damn arm scrubbing or it just doesn't work or both.  If I wanted to use god damn elbow grease, I wouldn't be such a fan of chemistry.

That being said, I do freak out a little every time I clean the bathroom with Lime Away or similar and then everything has a weird chemical flavor for 36 hours.  Chemistry is good, chemistry burning my insides, well, I'm not such a big fan.

I thought I'd give this home made recipe a try.  And it worked!  It really fucking worked. 

Why the hell am I writing about this then?  This is a blog reserved strictly for failures....  Hmmm, can you spot the epic fail here?  Can you predict the two problems that this cheap and effective home made shower cleaner may have?

I am such a moron.  It wasn't until I had the entire shower sprayed down that it occurred to me that fucking Dawn suds and suds and suds and suds and suds and suds and when you think it will finally stop being bubbly, it fucking gives you the bird of suds and can take a fucking month to rinse off.  I thought, well shit, this is going to take a year to get off.  It did.

Next unexpected problem - vinegar inhalation.  Now, don't get me wrong, I would much rather inhale vinegar than phosphoric acid. (Well, wait a fucking minute.  Coke has phosphoric acid in it. Yes, the same shit that burns lime off my shower is also in my drink. Yes, yes, different concentrations, but still, that can't be good for you.  I wish there was a word that expressed someone just shaking their head no with their eyes closed with that feeling of being screwed seven ways til Sunday.  fuck.)

I wonder if there is a difference between inhaling acetic acid (vinegar) and phosphoric acid (lime away) or if my poor lungs look like the insides of rotten pumpkins either way.  Sigh.

Growing a Baby is Making Stuff - Right?

I say this with no sarcasm that I am so thankful to finally see a celebrity that looks pregnant - and I feel for her that she has to go out and show everyone her big-ness as she is approaching her delivery date.
For anyone who hates on her, first of all, she is 5'2", and second of all I wonder how much of her weight gain is in her boobs.  Seriously.  Her poor boobs...

I just had to discuss, because I was GINORMOUS when pregnant and am so happy to see a pregnant lady who is also ginormous.
I have to say, I did not suck at growing babies.  Giant, healthy, beautiful babies.  Thank god for cesareans.

More Paint Hate

Alright...
Here is the finished room.  It's been finished a while.  I haven't made shit.  I've been making hot dogs for dinner and not doing any kind of craftiness at all. 
Haters can suck it.  I had to clean my goddamn house.  REALLY clean my house.  It's a long story that is mortifying so I'll be posting about it soon.
Anyhoo - here is the lovely room all painted...

It turned out pretty well - and goes better with the rug than the mint green did. 
I just wanted to share more of the fallout from this project.

Are you asking yourself where the cream carpet is in that nice blue room?  There is no cream carpet in that fucking room.  Somehow I managed to track a huge splotch of paint all the way into the living room. This, I noticed.
This next one, I did not...  A friend spotted it today...

Yeah, I don't know how I did that either.  If you know how my house is laid out you would know how much raw talent it would take to track that much paint that far down the hall and around the corner - 
Maybe it's from the string on my hoodie that I managed to dip into the paint....
I don't know, but I know that you are jealous of my mad skills....
(Holes in the wall?  What?)
And to think that one of my friends couldn't understand why I would possibly need one of those tyveck haz mat suits in all my painting crap....